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 General Discussion: How To Survive A Psychopath
 sociopath
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butterchik
Starting Member

3 Posts

Posted - 11/22/2005 :  06:55:51  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi, everyone. This is my first time posting here, so please be kind.

I'm pretty sure that my ex-boyfriend is a sociopath. I really don't know how this happened or how I didn't notice for 5 years, but it's starting to become blindingly obvious. He won't talk to anyone about it. He has completely cut me off. He just stopped talking to all of his friends and even his parents.

I don't know what to do. I think he needs help. Does anyone out there have any advice?

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davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

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Posted - 11/22/2005 :  09:33:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
quote:
Originally posted by butterchik

Hi, everyone. This is my first time posting here, so please be kind.

I'm pretty sure that my ex-boyfriend is a sociopath. I really don't know how this happened or how I didn't notice for 5 years, but it's starting to become blindingly obvious. He won't talk to anyone about it. He has completely cut me off. He just stopped talking to all of his friends and even his parents.

I don't know what to do. I think he needs help. Does anyone out there have any advice?



Hi butterchik,
Welcome to our forum ,pleased to have you on board.
Re 'your problem' I think you may be doing your ex. a diservice to say the least by labelling him a sociopath without his consent.
The human condition can be very complex and as a result there is no simple explanation to how any of us behave at any given time.
I feel your 'personal' diagnosis of your former boyfriend could in fact do more harm than good to both of you...if you think about it.
Best Wishes to You. David
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butterchik
Starting Member

3 Posts

Posted - 11/22/2005 :  10:14:16  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Understandable...and I appreciate the advice. However, he fits the profile pretty well. I'm not the first person to say that he's a sociopath. Both of his parents agree with me and so does my psychiatrist. The problem is, if/when he seeks therapy, no one can guarantee that he'll even tell the truth. He's been doing a lot of lying and covering up to everyone. I know it sounds a little odd...but I feel like I'm going crazy now.
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butterchik
Starting Member

3 Posts

Posted - 11/22/2005 :  10:15:16  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
BTW, he has consented to saying that he is "emotionally retarded". (His words, not mine)
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davidt
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Posted - 11/22/2005 :  10:58:54  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
quote:
Originally posted by butterchik

BTW, he has consented to saying that he is "emotionally retarded". (His words, not mine)

Hi again butterchik,
Whatever he labels himself as, is his perogative.But on the matter of
such a serious condition as sociopathy let his psychiatrist decide,not
yours; or even his parents for that matter...they are far to subjective and as far as I am aware do not have the professionalism to determine with accuracy his problem.
I think at this moment in time,(although frustrating),you may better of concentrating on yourself and leaving well alone at least for the time being.
If you and he have unresolved emotional issues....It may be to your advantage to sort them out when he is circulating again.
I wish you both well.David
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Floridalady
Starting Member

1 Posts

Posted - 01/06/2006 :  11:38:10  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hello. I am a new member as well. I am in the middle of trying to end my 3 year relationship with a diagnosed Sociopath. I am very depressed, hurt and worn down. I should hate this man for all of the lies and horrible things he has done to me, but I keep taking him back. Why? What is wrong with me? My family is very concerned about this "addiction" and love I have for this toxic person. Is it true that Sociopaths cannot be helped? That is what I have read. Please help. I am in therapy and on Welbrutin XL and Klonopin. I drink when I am sad and angry. Nothing helps. I feel like there is a hole shot through me. Nothing can fill it or make me happy anymore.
I have not spoken to him in 3 days. He has abused me both Physically and mentally, stolen from me, lied to me, put me in danger, and drained all of my money. He also going to court soon for felony Battery charges. I was the 2nd girl he hurt. How could I love this Ill man?
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crazyloonie
Starting Member

1 Posts
Gratitude: 1

Posted - 01/30/2006 :  23:38:39  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
hi im a sociopath and i would like to say that hes probably not coming back.

he cannot feel love. he may come back but he will use you again, then leave, again.

why do you want to be with an empty shell with no emotions?
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movinon
Starting Member

1 Posts

Posted - 02/02/2006 :  06:11:17  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Butterchik,

I want to validate what you KNOW intuitively and what you are going through. I have to respectfully disagree with David. How many sociopaths admit they are sociopaths? How many sociopath allow themselves INDIVIDUAL counseling? Leaving well enough alone does not cut it for these people. My soon-to-be ex is in the process of making my life miserable. No matter how much I give in the "collaborative divorce" process(which he sees as weakness), he still goes for my jugular. We have a young daughter together. THis man is abusive - physically, mentally and sexually. I was so tired when I lived with him. He was like a pit bull who wouldn't let go until I was bleeding and wide open - until I said uncle. He controlled what I wore, what I did, who I spoke to etc. I CAN NOT and WILL NOT leave well enough alone for the safety of my children and my self. I am worth it and so are you butterchik!
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sdc123
Starting Member

4 Posts
Gratitude: 4

Posted - 03/20/2006 :  06:30:43  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi everyone. I also have to respectfully disagree with David. I am getting irritated with this assumption that only mental health professionals are capable of figuring out what is wrong with these people. If anything, these mental health professionals need to start using the public to help them out in spotting people with APD's.

I had an ex-girlfriend and I'll call her sociopathic for sure regardless of my lack of psychiatric expertise. In fact, the people who are the closest to these individuals are really the only one's that will ever be able to realize this. I will not complain nor will I elaborate on the degree of the damage that was done. Anyone that's been with a true sociopath already knows.

Mental health is a practice with extreme "gray matter" and nothing seems to be definitive. How good is a mental health expert going to be with someone who is a professional liar? More-Importantly, how many sociopaths are going to seek help when there is no cure and treatment is a long process of intense psychotherapy? We are talking about people who are extremely impulsive and want INSTANT gratification. If there isn't a pill that will cure them in five seconds then they won't bother at all.

The other thing is that INDIVIDUAL counselling is useless. These people will never paint an accurate picture of any scenario that pertains to them doing something wrong. Unless there is someone else to accompany this person who can tell their version to the professional then it's literally hopeless.

I believe this is a problem that affects many more people than are lead on to believe. A person can only behave as badly as their environment will tolerate. With a society like ours which is gradually losing its moral foundation you will most likely see more of these sociopaths in the future.

It's really too bad. Honestly, I have such a hard time trusting women now. This is the type of damage Sociopaths inflict, and yes I allowed myself to be treated this way and should have taken a stand earlier, but I learned from my mistake. I used to be so open to relationships and was looking forward to starting a family and having children with a wonderful woman. Now, all I can think about is protecting myself and I know all of you out there feel the same.

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davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

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Posted - 03/20/2006 :  11:02:35  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi sdc123,

All I ever said or mean't was that I think one is on dangerous ground and morally wrong to label someone else in the heat of a relationship breakdown.
Other peoples' relationship difficulties are all too emotive a subject to get embroiled in.... and there are no winners as such.
The Devil is in the detail but its all personal stuff and should be classified: No one else's business not for Public consumption...... unless personally involved.
I commend you for doing just that sdc123 when commenting on a former significant other.I was pleased that you wrote in general and not specific terms about that person.
I can't help thinking that we use derogative language to be deliberately asbusive/offensive to those we were once so intimate with,just for the sake of point scoring.
This creative social accounting,reliving and in some cases reinventing the past, is counter productive because most reasonable thinking people are aware that there are two sides to every story.
I put it to you that EVERYONE has a dark side its called Human Nature!
Cheers David
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davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

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Posted - 03/20/2006 :  17:40:12  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Ps.Further thoughts on this subject.
I find it rather SAD that the author of this topic,started by saying "...this is my first time posting here,so please be kind" and in their second installment used inflamatory language against someone else for their 'alleged' personality disorder.
Am I wrong in thinking that this forum is all about mutual support for one and other no matter what their psychiatric assessment.
If so is it morally/ethically right to be selective in what mental illness's we should or should not support/condemn?
If I for one moment thought that,that were the case,their would be no moral justification for me being here to condone such segregation.
I could not subscribe to a community where aparthied was the norm.
Could YOU!
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sdc123
Starting Member

4 Posts
Gratitude: 4

Posted - 03/21/2006 :  07:15:09  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I agree that forums should definitely be here to support people. However, forums have topics for people who have had experience in these particular arenas. In this particular case it happens to deal with Sociopathy.

People who have dealt with sociopaths are here because they feel as though they are nearly "insane" and want to know if they are the only one. It is a VERY DAMAGING experience to someone who has been through a relationship with a sociopath. They are literally parasites sucking out everything they can until there is nothing left and they move on to the next person. They leave people completely drained emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.

Details are INCREDIBLY important. They reveal things to others that this particular person may not see.

David, you need to be really careful about giving advice on something you don't know anything about or have any experience with. I see that none of the others haven't replied after you made your comments - if you notice you really undermined them and borderline put them down. I wouldn't come back if I were them either.

In fact, as I notice you are all over this site I will not come back either after I post this reply. What's morally wrong and dangerous is someone going out and speaking their mind on mental health issues they know nothing about.
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juan
Starting Member

1 Posts

Posted - 04/03/2006 :  14:43:26  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Six weeks ago I have discovered my younger brother who seized control of my parents estate through fraud displays classic
sociopathic behaviors. Today he is an extremely dangerous and an exceedingly wealthy sociopath. We have four younger siblings and eleven grandchildren(he has three girls and is expecting his first grandchild)? With his new wealth, and his history for destroying peoples' lives, I am extremely fearful for my life, my two children's lives, my grandson, and my nine nieces and nephews as well as my mom who has been his enabler for 40+ years. To top it all he is a deacon in a large Baptist church. Martha Stout's 13 rules for dealing with a sociopath are great for dealing with a sociopath in normal circumstances, however, in our situation the
extreme wealth makes my brother extremely dangerous. My wife and I feel that if he knew that I know what I know my days would be numbered. I strongly advise anyone who is in a relationship past or present to retain legal counsel and prepare a video document describing those sociopathic behaviors of said relative or friend or significant other and specific concerns regarding one's safety/danger.

juan now
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catseyes
Starting Member

1 Posts

Posted - 04/06/2006 :  11:33:57  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I was in a relationship with a sociopath for almost six years. It ended two month ago when I moved four hours away from this man. I still can't beleive that I could have fallen for all his crap. I even like an idiot married the man last september. I am now going through a divorce. I feel like such a fool that I let myself be so abuse. Every word that came out of his mouth was a lie. He was cheating on me right off the bat one week into the marriage. And he probally was the whole 6 years. He has no feelings at all. He had contacted me two weeks after I left and was talking about changing then 10 days after was out up to his old tricks. He has hurt me so deeply that I don't know how to get it out of my mind. It feels like post tramatic stress or something. And he just moves on like nothing has happened. I just don't get it. I had to call him the other day to talk about somethings. And he said he has not even thought about us at all. I couldn't beleive it. I feel like what is his problem? He already has another woman staying at his house. Which he is denying. I mean like why not tell the trueth we are done. I have been trying to read as much as i can about sociopaths. And it's so weird everything I'm reading is like it was all written just about him.Because he is everything a sociopath is. The whole thing is just really hard.
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ashleeblonde1
Full Member (100+ posts)

184 Posts
Gratitude: 3

Posted - 04/08/2006 :  08:50:51  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Jaun,
My brother did the same thing!!! He would never see a doctor but i have sister that is paronoid schizo and i assume he is too. He used fraud and the 'other side' of himself to con people so he got our parents' estate. He has tried to kill me and accuses my other sisters and me of trying to kill him!? We have all come to a point where we just feel sorry for him and try to stay away from him. Did your brother's actions shock you? i always knew he was cruel to me but i had never seen the cruelty to others that came out as dad was dying. He was so cruel to dad and used mom's alzheimer's against her and all of us. She looks to him like he is dad. He kept her angry and mean to all us. The daughters were considered 'other women' and by playing on that, he was able to keep us from seeing Dad when he was very sick.
i have learned that he was very cruel to his own family and i had always thought they had the perfect homelife.
How do people put up such good impressions and there is no meaning behind it?
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davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

62202 Posts
Gratitude: 28239
Very caringVery wiseVery funnyVery honestAttentionI agree

Posted - 04/08/2006 :  10:30:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi All,

I vowed I would not revisit such an emotive subect as anti social behaviour again.
However a natural desire to live and let live has propelled me here again.
In saying that I do not condone anti social behaviour,but then I never have.To suggest same, would be a misinterpretation of what I have said in previous posts on this topic.
I do however, find it distasteful, that in a mental health forum such as this,providing as it does,a safe enviroment,(embracing All mental heath users), from a more judgemental outer society, that such bigotry could still prevail.
That is human nature for you!



We are what our thoughts make us.
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