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MyTherapy Communities (Discussion Forums)
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Medicated
Full Member (100+ posts)
217 Posts
Gratitude: 237
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 Posted - 08/20/2011 : 01:46:20
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Hi everyone,
I have many labels, but the one that hangs on me the heaviest these days is the one of Paranoid Schizophrenic (and an extra 30 pounds thanks to medication and a sedentary/defeated lifestyle). I first stumbled on this site a few years ago and have lurked sporadically since then, but have only now acted to join the community as a member. My reason for joining now is to make some new friends and to socialize, and to perhaps eventually vent my story and struggle with my diagnosis and the mental health system. And maybe to raise an army to take back my/our sanity.
Seriously though, I am at the stage where I believe that the change has to come from within myself and that is part of why I am here, seeking that change and influence, though there was a time when I believed that the external world was at fault. Reading my own words, I realize that I echo some of the words of the protagonist of one of my favorite anime shows ever, Code Geass R2. But this isn't some fantasy mecha fan-serviced cartoon aimed at teenaged boys; this is my reality...or delusion ;).
Back on topic, I have filled out my profile as best as I could for your perusal and have already touched upon anime as one my primary interests. I will be attending College for a second diploma this September for Game Development but I already have a B.Sc. from 2005 that I flaunt for my self-esteem. In reality, it was funded by my parents, not myself, and I know just enough Science to question the validity of Psychiatry but not enough to accept it wholly.
I have covered my diagnosis and my treatment is accurately listed. I noticed that people have been asking about Abilify in the SZ forums so hopefully my approximately year-long experience can be of some limited help in that regard. I used to have a homepage, but it has since been taken down as I may have made it while being off my rocker; I kept most of my files and it is on the backburner for retro-analysis.
I have included two websites of interest to gamers. The first is to the site Shoryuken which is a fighting game site that focuses primarily on Street Fighter and its related incarnations. I used to visit this site several times a day, and was a part of its local scene briefly until events surrounding my illness got the better of me and made it impossible to continue. The second is GomTV, which is a recently discovered gem for high-level Korean Starcraft II gameplay, a recent real-time-strategy game of excellent quality.
In any case, I will be participating throughout the site as I become acquainted with it, and I hope to get to know each of you better. If you have any questions for me or about me, here is the place to ask!
Thank you for reading,
Medicated  |
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| hercules21
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4792 Posts
Gratitude: 2691
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Posted - 08/20/2011 : 13:55:23
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Hi there,
Welcome to MT. I have paranoid schizophrenia - you get so used to introducing yourself that way on this web site that you get over the label after a while - not at first mind you but after a while.
If I have any questions about games I will be sure to ask them.
I take it you are a guy as mostly guys are gamers. Let me know if I am mistaken.
When you are more settled in here I will ask you for your story in terms of what delusions you had as I always find that interesting and it is therapeutic for you to talk about. But for now just join in as many threads as you can.
There is a social thread where you can make friends under topics for all communities look forward to seeing you there.
Hercules
"Mrs Morel always said the after-life would hold nothing in store for her husband: he rose from the lower world into purgatory, when he came home from pit, and passed into heaven in the Palmerston Arms.". |
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| chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3607 Posts
Gratitude: 2443
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Posted - 08/20/2011 : 14:05:37
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Hi medicated. Welcome! I too was mostly a lurker for sometime. My son has SZ affective and he takes abilify. I never did get a diagnosis for my problem because I only had one incident and have stayed medicated since. The most I can see from the hospital papers the diagnosis was paranoid phychosis but I take Geodon. I have heard that abilify is activating whatever that means. Anyhow, Welcome!
They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
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| Medicated
Full Member (100+ posts)
217 Posts
Gratitude: 237
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Posted - 08/20/2011 : 15:22:50
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Hi Hercules,
Thanks for the welcome. My most frightening delusion has included snipers targeting me, and China possibly launching a nuclear strike during the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. You can't (or probably can) imagine the the terror of having to dodge invisible bullets and cowering in fear of believing your life is about to end. I have also had delusions of air cleansing machines poisoning the air in my home... also not a fun one. I've also had some benign delusions while in hospital about various things, such as questioning the motives of hospital staff and other paranoid type delusions. What about yourself?
Also, you are correct in your assumption, and I believe I have already agreed with a post you made about carrying medications with oneself for overnight stays. :) I hope I will learn much more for your experience and wisdom.
Chelle, thanks for the welcome. I was also diagnosed with psychosis (Not Otherwise Specified type) initially during my biggest hospital stay. Paranoid schizophrenia is my most recent diagnosis; I've also had hypomania as a diagnosis. I'm not sure what activating means either, because I still feel very unmotivated much of the time, but Abilify overall has been good to me, as I hope it has been for your son. Thanks for mentioning Geodon, that's the first I have heard of it.
Looking forward to making both of your acquaintance.
Cheers, |
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| hercules21
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4792 Posts
Gratitude: 2691
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Posted - 08/20/2011 : 15:59:11
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quote:
Originally posted by Medicated
Hi Hercules,
Thanks for the welcome. My most frightening delusion has included snipers targeting me, and China possibly launching a nuclear strike during the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. You can't (or probably can) imagine the the terror of having to dodge invisible bullets and cowering in fear of believing your life is about to end. I have also had delusions of air cleansing machines poisoning the air in my home... also not a fun one. I've also had some benign delusions while in hospital about various things, such as questioning the motives of hospital staff and other paranoid type delusions. What about yourself?
I did notice that you agreed with me about the carrying case for the medication - cheers. In a way I broke the site rules by straying into direct advice giving in that thread - but it is only because I want Jonathan's relationship to end happily so I felt I had to say something for his own good. I only hope it was realistic advice - I have had the TV talk about me before and it is very unsettling.
My delusions
TV talking about me
People listening to my thoughts
Me murdering myself and assuming my life as a replacement person - ie I secretly was not Hercules and people knew my secret.
A complicated conspiracy theory that I couldn't explain to people in the hospital when I tried. It only made sense in my mind.
A couple of hallucinations thrown in there as well.
These days I am proud to say that I have not had any symptoms since 2007.
Welcome again,
Best Wishes,
Hercules
"Mrs Morel always said the after-life would hold nothing in store for her husband: he rose from the lower world into purgatory, when he came home from pit, and passed into heaven in the Palmerston Arms.". |
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| Medicated
Full Member (100+ posts)
217 Posts
Gratitude: 237
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Posted - 08/20/2011 : 21:11:20
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One of your delusions sounds extremely complex... murdering yourself and becoming yourself as a replacement person? And that people knew your secret? That is pretty advanced stuff...
I have also had television and radio messaging/signalling. Sometimes it was really specific but what I can remember is that it correlated to actions taking place or just recently taken place; it wasn't exactly speaking to me. I have met people who claim that the TV was telling them to do certain things though. One thing during my hospital stay is that I have felt as if certain soap operas were enacting my life, in a way, or trying to interact with it. I can't quite explain it very well, but actions of actors would correlate and have meaning to things occuring in my life in real time. Sometimes the newspapers (horoscopes and headlines) would be pregnant with meaning as well. I truly thought people were observing me and printing out headlines and articles intended for me, or writing them in such a way so that I would find meaning in them. I never quite figured out the causality.
Thankfully I have not had any hallucinations, auditory, visual, or otherwise.
Congratulations on being symptom free for four years! |
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| hercules21
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4792 Posts
Gratitude: 2691
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Posted - 08/20/2011 : 22:08:11
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my story was indeed complex - and 45 minutes ago I typed out a synopsis here for you to read but I have since decided that I was hijacking your thread and talking about myself too much - if you want to read my story - you can do so here
http://www.mytherapy.com/discussion/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=18556
I think I understand the parts about the newspaper articles for you - the soap operas sound troubling as well. it sounds like the TV was implying things about your life and had hidden messages?
Anyways - probably that is a good start for now -
You sound like a good sort.
Cheers
Hercules
PS I expect Khaz will be along shortly to say hello as well.
"Mrs Morel always said the after-life would hold nothing in store for her husband: he rose from the lower world into purgatory, when he came home from pit, and passed into heaven in the Palmerston Arms.". |
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| Medicated
Full Member (100+ posts)
217 Posts
Gratitude: 237
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Posted - 08/21/2011 : 14:18:51
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At the time, I had a major delusion about a girl that I was infatuated with. I believed that I was somehow linked to her in such a way that my performance and behaviour in hospital would bring us back together. This is related to the fact that I was hospitalized exactly one year after I met this girl (whom I have met only once and for a brief period of time - 2.5 hrs or so). Anyways, I believed that I was someone important for a while, which the hospital sort of encouraged by constantly telling me I was safe and that I was in a safe place now (as if anyone ever tried to hurt me before), so I sort of saw my prison as a castle as well. The soap opera comes into play because it appeared as if the people in the soaps were arguing and portraying my situation as a "star-crossed lover" who wanted to be with this girl but other people who were involved were opposed. So there would be a guy who would pine about this girl (like I would) and a girl who would be talking to her girlfriends about the guy (like I assumed this girl I met would) and so on and so forth and drama would ensue. Am I making sense?
As for hidden messages, I would say the TV had its fair share but I can share a concrete example of a newspaper headline that spoke to me as a hidden message. The front page read "Crane, Fly Away South". At this time, I took crane to mean me, like a disciple of some sort, as I was learning NLP (see other thread) and body language and consensus building and such, and to fly away south was to flee to the United States, where I could be reunited with this girl. The newspaper even included a bit of a map of the surrounding area (it was actually about a crane who flew too far north or something and found itself in my local area) so I took it to be a hint and help to get away from the hospital. Coupled with the fact that the previous patient in my room had left a pair of running shoes, things just seemed to "add up" for me...
I think I have plenty of more examples locked away in a fire-proof safe where I keep all of my writings and articles and references from my sick period of time that I hope to analyze someday, but thanks for helping me refresh my memory on some of the basics.
And you weren't hijacking my thread; this thread is for you and everyone else as much as it is for me :) Thanks for sharing. I have checked out that thread and will reply to it. |
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| hercules21
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4792 Posts
Gratitude: 2691
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Posted - 08/22/2011 : 00:42:29
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I kept a daily diary with my experiences. I will read it one day.
I will make a longer response in the my story thread.
"Mrs Morel always said the after-life would hold nothing in store for her husband: he rose from the lower world into purgatory, when he came home from pit, and passed into heaven in the Palmerston Arms.". |
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| FLMgirl
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2856 Posts
Gratitude: 2531
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Posted - 08/22/2011 : 10:22:25
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Hi Medicated, just wanted to say HELLO, and WELCOME to MT.
Glad to have you here.
It is not about how you feel, it is what you believe...and, Still, it is what it is... |
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| Medicated
Full Member (100+ posts)
217 Posts
Gratitude: 237
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Posted - 08/23/2011 : 02:46:55
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Hi FLMgirl :D For some reason your name reminds me of fml :D What does the FLM stand for?
quote:
PS I expect Khaz will be along shortly to say hello as well.
Looking forward to meeting khaz too.  |
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| FLMgirl
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2856 Posts
Gratitude: 2531
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Posted - 08/23/2011 : 08:56:33
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When I first came here, I was:
Finally
Liking
Myself
but is turns out that the letters also stand for the 2 states I have lived significantly in.
It is not about how you feel, it is what you believe...and, Still, it is what it is... |
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| Medicated
Full Member (100+ posts)
217 Posts
Gratitude: 237
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Posted - 08/23/2011 : 13:25:15
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I know Florida, but when I googled LM it gave me Lombardia (in Italy) O_o;;
I like what FLM stands for though; nice to meet you :)
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| Rainbowfish
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5628 Posts
Gratitude: 5282
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Posted - 08/24/2011 : 00:13:12
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Hi Medicated! I would like to officialy welcome you as well.
You are a very interesting guy, I'm glad you finally landed
here! I like to post pictures that are relevant to people's
posts; I found this one of a crane.
I may be a bit slow but eventually I will get there~
~RAINBOWFISH |
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| Medicated
Full Member (100+ posts)
217 Posts
Gratitude: 237
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Posted - 08/25/2011 : 00:01:18
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Your picture and comment made me laugh Rainbowfish :D :D :D
hahaha, I'm glad to make your acquaintance as well.
Thanks for reading my posts and responding so hilariously :D
-Medicated
To return the favor, here's a picture of a cool birthday cake made in your honor :)
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| hercules21
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4792 Posts
Gratitude: 2691
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Posted - 08/25/2011 : 00:09:07
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Should think about getting an avatar medicated...up to you though
"Mrs Morel always said the after-life would hold nothing in store for her husband: he rose from the lower world into purgatory, when he came home from pit, and passed into heaven in the Palmerston Arms.". |
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