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Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3727 Posts
Gratitude: 2182
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 Posted - 09/27/2011 : 15:52:55
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I don't see anything anywhere for any topics of this nature. Maybe I'm blind. Could someone point me in the right direction! I really am in need to talk to someone or anyone who will listen and start some sort of healing process.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| XaosLord
Super Member (250+ posts)
767 Posts
Gratitude: 704
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 04:13:16
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I'm a BP sort of person, but there is a bit of this sort of thing in
my background and would listen if you like. When you hit your 15th
post, you will be able to create your own blog, so you could do it
there as well if you wish.
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3727 Posts
Gratitude: 2182
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 07:15:10
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Xaos thanks for the offer. I don't know if I really have the time for a blog and don't really know if I want to start one anyways. You have offered me your ear so I will tell you and if you could please give me some feedback. It's a extremely long story so I will have to do it over the course of today and hopefully will have it all to you by tonight. There's so many little details and I want to include it all. It will be like writing a horror novel. Maybe writing it too will be a little theraputic!
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| Jerry1949
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2458 Posts
Gratitude: 2324
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 13:37:03
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Diesel this is something I have been dealing with sense I was 9 years old and still have trouble with at times you can post to me if you like and I will listen to you any time you need to get it out.
Jerral |
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3727 Posts
Gratitude: 2182
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 14:30:19
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Jerral thank you! I will write it here and maybe you could come back and read it here. I really don't know if I should make this long story short or just go for the who shabam! I just don't want to leave out any pertinent details!
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| stigmastomper
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
20119 Posts
Gratitude: 9955
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 15:52:34
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diesal go to members click then type emerging artist in the search engine. she has experience with incest .
set goals plan for success, failure, is"nt failure!, its part of the formula of success acceppt it roll with it over come it. everytime we fail ,we learn,see opportunity not failure
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3727 Posts
Gratitude: 2182
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 20:11:26
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When I tell you this disgusting part of my life would it be offensive to anyone if I use proper terminology for certain anatomy parts. We are after all, grown ups!
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| XaosLord
Super Member (250+ posts)
767 Posts
Gratitude: 704
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 22:05:42
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I'm certain we would have a few members who, while they might not be
offended, might be shocked. It might be best not to get too
graphically descriptive, and you don't want to fall afoul of the mods
in any case. I'm sure you could come up with a good way to tell the
story without too much fuss and still tell the whole story.
I was abused by two male relatives, on separate occasions, and one
male friend. That happened when I was 9 - 12 and I never told anyone
until I was in my late 30's. Like most children, I was scared to tell,
scared no one would believe me, scared I would be branded a liar, but
most of all, scared that the ones who did it would find a way to hurt
me for sure. I don't harbour any anger over it any more, but I do feel
something more than innocence was taken from me.
I wish there were a way to PM you on this...sometimes things like
that can help. But I'm sorry for what happened to you...it wasn't
your fault and you didn't ask for it. There are so many sick
people in the world, and so many who need help and don't get it
and go on hurting and ruining peoples' lives.
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3727 Posts
Gratitude: 2182
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Posted - 09/28/2011 : 23:02:48
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This whole mess started when I was 13 and just starting into my formative teenage years. It all started one summer. My middle brother was the abuser and he was 18 at the time. My parents would ask me to walk to the store to get a gallon or two of milk and back in the day they were glass bottles. I was a fly weight and to carry that load back with me over the course of the 1/2 hour trip was crazy. My hands would be aching and so would my shoulders. I hated it! My brother coerced me into incest by saying that he would drive me to the store on the back of his motorcycle and that it would save me from walking if I would do "this" for him. Well "this" turned into "that" and so on and so on. He then turned it into a game and if I complied with his wishes he would take me out for a ride on his bike. A bit of sweet freedom at the cost of my mental sanity. BTW this always happened on a Friday night when my parents went to the Legion for dancing and drinks. He would take me to this cubby hole behind the wall and the upright piano. It was so small and crowded there but no one could see what was happening even if they came into the basement.
I now know exactly where my claustrophobia comes from.
This fear of small places is just insane. I can't get a grip on myself. It's actually so crazy that I can't for the life of me even take a shower with the curtains closed. They MUST be at least 1/2 way open. I feel trapped if I don't have them opened. My showers take me exactly the very shortest of minutes in there. Everytime I take a shower I feel the severe panic rising even 24 hours previous to planning to take one. I have had panic attacks while taking a shower and have had to get out of there. Hair full of shampoo and just freaking right out, robe on and running about the house like a lunatic and crying. It's absolutely horrible. I then have to force myself literally back in just to get the shampoo out of my hair. I usually have to take 1 or two Clonazepam depending on the severity of the panic attack.
This nightmare went on for about a year and then I moved out. I moved in with my then boyfriend. I moved out as well to get away from the tyranny of army seargent father who treated me like unadulterated crap and was physically abusive. My mother was his enabler. She was the typical June Cleaver housewife and I'm sure never questions my father's actions because she was absolutely terrified of him. I loved my mom but hated her for contributing to my miserable existence growing up.
I never told a soul about what my brother had done to me for fear that no one would believe me anyways. My brother also was the apple of my parents affection! He was handsome, got excellent marks and was an achiever. My mother told me that I was the black sheep of the family and would never amount to anything! I had little self esteem then and after hearing that comment come from my very own Mom's mouth well that just devastated me! I counted on my mother's unconditional love. FAT CHANCE! As time went on I starting to develop these weird anxiety attacks and I couldn't for the life figure it out until I was in my mid 40's. They got progressively worse until I was freaking right out of my mind! Walking the streets with my dog at all given times of the night. Walking would ease the symptoms somewhat. I would immediately go for the booze and after several drinks I was calm enough to relax and pass out! It was the only relief available. My drinking just got out of hand! I was drinking everyday. Alcohol became my best friend. It made me forget what happened and when I did dwell on it when I was drunk I didn't really care. Booze never let me have a panic attack while under it's influence. I loved it, except the constant hangovers! I kept drinking because of the fear of when or where I was going to get my next panic attack. I never told anybody about these events until 3 years ago. Not even my husband. He couldn't even understand my panic anxiety attacks. I know that I scared him many times. All we did was fight because of my drinking. I knew I had to get some help.
I got tipsy one night an phoned said brother in question and asked him why he did what he did to me and he said nothing but did not try to deny this either. I don't have contact with him at all. I told my other siblings what had occurred a couple of years ago and they all decided not to believe just to stick there heads up there asses and ignore the situation hoping that it would go away consequently I never get invited to family social events given by my family for fear of us two being in each others company. I absolutely feel sick when and if I have to be around my brother like at my father's funeral. I was sick to my stomach and so very angry at my brother and how rude of me to act like this at my own father's funeral but I couldn't help myself.
When in my brother's company he acts like nothing ever happened! If murder were legal in Canada he would be DEAD! I absolutely hate him for changing my life or rather taking it away from me. He changed my whole perspective on what a relationship between a man and woman really is and should be. After I left my parents house after the many times of incest I changed mentally. I became a teenager with loose morals. Thinking that if I did that or this that I may actually get someone who loves me for me. Get some attention and affection that I was dying for! It didn't work that way because I wore my heart on my sleeve and everyone just took advantage of me.
This whole incident has had a dramatic effect on the sexual relationship between my husband and myself! As one could imagine!
After everything is said and done with my fathers' estate I will cut all ties off with this motley crew of family members. My brother changed me permanently and now I'm seeking help to get over the constant depression, the axiety attacks. I actually hate him with a passion. The world views him as wonderful dad with and grandfather who is an industrious, talented and very intelligent CEO of a banking institution. I need to let the whole world see that he really was and maybe still is a monster beneath that suit. I'm out for revenge in the worst way. I still think of these espisodes daily and somedays are better than worse but on those bad days I just end up staying in bed most of the day and crying or playing my guitar for some sort of consolation.
To think how one human being can impact anothers life so dramatically. I feel like I'm the star of some horror flick at times.
I have told my sons everything that transpired in that past! They are grown up enough to understand. One of my sons questioned me on the fact of why I was always crying. So I finally broke down and told them. They are understandibly extremely angry as well as mhusband. I have told them absolutely everything. Some of the details have been excluded but they get my drift and thank god I do have some family support.
I have sought therapy finally. I don't somehow trust my shrink. I just get this morbid feeling that he's getting off somehow on what I tell him. These thoughts bother me no end. Are these thoughts just a figment of my imagination? I don't know. I'm finally on Cipralex and other assorted meds and the Cipralex is helping amazingly. It has changed my personality somewhat in fact that I will not tolerate being treated indifferently at all. I really do stand up for myself! My type A husband has difficulty sometimes debating with me over whatever. It sometimes becomes a shouting match. I've turned out to be very tenacious. Good for me though!! I quite enjoy the change.
I have to now decide after the estate is settled if I want to have my brother arrested for sexual abuse of a minor. There are no statute of limitations for sexual abuse in Canada. I'm waiting to hear from my lawyer anyday now. This is actually a pretty tame version of what went on! Sorry it's a novel but I had no other way of telling this.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| Jerry1949
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2458 Posts
Gratitude: 2324
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Posted - 09/29/2011 : 10:33:26
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Diesel I know that it is hard to tell of this it was a older cousin
who was the abuser I also told no one of what had happened till well in to my 30s never told my parents it has taken me 20 plus years to stop blaming myself for his actions. It took real courage to confront the abuser some thing I have not been able to do yet.
Jerral |
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3727 Posts
Gratitude: 2182
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Posted - 10/01/2011 : 20:52:36
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If anyone else has been coerced into incest or just sexually abused maybe you can give me some input in how to deal with the crappy mess that rears its' ugly daily.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| Jerry1949
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2458 Posts
Gratitude: 2324
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 09:13:31
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Diesel check and see if there are any support groups in your area they were a big help to me.
Jerral |
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| stigmastomper
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
20119 Posts
Gratitude: 9955
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 14:05:16
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set goals plan for success, failure, is"nt failure!, its part of the formula of success acceppt it roll with it over come it. everytime we fail ,we learn,see opportunity not failure
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3727 Posts
Gratitude: 2182
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 14:16:41
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Stig are you suggesting with your little icon that I should read about this problem?
I don't get!
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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| Mike412
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2856 Posts
Gratitude: 2017
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 20:09:05
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| There was a catholic priest in my city that was defrocked and locked up for dozens of people coming forward saying how they we're molested-it's hard to believe child molesting is as common as it is-if you ask me it should be a crime punishable by a torturous death sentence. It's ridiculous how many people I've heard of with stories of what happened to them sexually when they we're a kid, I knew a woman that was raped by her father I didn't believe it then she cried and the way she talked about it then I believed it unbelievably sick sad world or what |
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| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3727 Posts
Gratitude: 2182
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 20:41:56
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This situation just makes me sick! How could someone prey upon a child's innocence! I often wonder how my life would of turned out if this tumultuous incident never occured. People tell me I have to forgive him! That's a load of BS. My husband told me when I finally revealed what happened to me never ever to tell him the details because he said that he would drive to find my brother and hurt him really bad. I know that he would do this and would end up in jail. My husband is very supportive when I'm having a terrible day though. He's always there for me. He's amazing. Kind, understanding and willing to sit with me and talk it out until I feel better. I am in group therapy at the hospital for incest survivors but I find I just can't open up. Not that I'm ashamed or whatever to what happened to me, it's just I don't trust people. It doesn't matter who they are. My own family physician, my best friend and my family are the only ones that I trust. I find that my guitar right now is my best therapy for me right now. I love playing it and it totally changes my whole mind set! I'm happy as long as I'm playing it or I'm listening to the music that I love.
My brother is an absolute evil monster disguised as a loving husband and grandfather and friend. I would absolutely love to take a gun to his head. I'm not kidding. This situation has made my life unbearable to the point of trying to commit suicide 10 years ago over this. I just wanted the pain to end. I'm lucky to have a support system in place as I wouldn't know what to do without it.
I'm right now trying to figure out this whole mess with a lawyer. I have been warned that this will not be easy if I decide to have him arrested. More anxiety!
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
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Topic |
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Sexual abuse/incest
