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MyTherapy Communities (Discussion Forums)
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koolkid927
Starting Member
4 Posts
Gratitude: 2
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 Posted - 10/16/2011 : 12:38:43
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ok my name is jordan, ive been shizco since i was 15 im 27 yrs old. theres one thing that holds me back and has always held me back. this is my first time on a form. i really need to know that it is not possible for other people to hear my thoughts i feel so self consc. i hear this thing called thought broadcasting... what is it what does it mean..??. most of the time my mind thinks so much i can not control it. it gets worse when i come incontact with people. i start thinking of the worse things that a person could think bout things i would never want anyone to know things that i really hate thinking about. embarassing things and i look for a reaction from others and most of the time i get it. and i feel like chit. i just want freedom in side my own head. i get so paranoid thinking people are out to get me, and heres the worst part the people i think that are out to get ,me are the ones close it to me. the family members i LOVE to death. i jus feel so lonely so depressed sometimes, left out. left behind, unloved... growing up i was a good kid my mother was always there for me, in my teen yrs i got into drugs heavy my drug of choice was xanax i abused it to the max it was last yrs i finally kicked it..
the medication im am taking now is haldol and benadrly. but the haldol just makes me more adutated. i know i should ask the doctor to switch it but everytime i go to the doctors i forget what i went there for. it sucks. i go to church i pray, i try my hardest to always do whats right, to think positive. but it never gets me anywhere, i just need some support someone to talk to here. someone that understands. someone that wont judge me. IM NOT SUICIDAL, IM NOT HOMICIDAL. IM JUST FRUSTRATED BROKEN AND NEED A TUNEUP FAST. so please anyone any advice would serve me greatly.. thanks for listening...
:))
jtk  |
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| khaz
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
6686 Posts
Gratitude: 4970
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Posted - 10/16/2011 : 13:28:01
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Hi Kool kid
Write down what you want to ask the doctor and even hand him the peice of paper.
We all feel broken....and as for people hearing my thoughts well I have expeienced that too.
How do you spend your day?
Routine an planning helps.
Well I am just back from hospital bu I thought Id pop in to welcome you.
Try posting in the general section...they are a good bunch of people .
Bye For Now
Sue
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| chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3700 Posts
Gratitude: 2469
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Posted - 10/16/2011 : 13:34:28
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Hi jordan Welcome to my therapy. I have a son who is schizo-affective. He was on haldol for a while but his doctor switched him to abilify.
If your symptoms are not under control then you will need to bring this to your doctors attention.
It would be wise to let a close family member know how you are feeling and take them to the doctor with you so that if you forget they can tell the doctor for you. I know you have expressed that you are paranoid of your family members but you are going to have to confide to one of them so that you can get your symptoms under control. So that you are not having all these bad feelings. |
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| koolkid927
Starting Member
4 Posts
Gratitude: 2
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Posted - 10/16/2011 : 13:40:07
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Thank You, Sue
i really dont do much during the day, talk to my brother on the phone and watch tv and listen to music. and smoke ciggarettes. i really dont leave the house much im scared of what people will think of me... :(
and as for writing down and handing the doctor a peice of paper, i can do that for now on thank you. :)
i have to go to church in a little while but when i get back i will be sure to check out the general section...
Thank you for the welcome.
jtk |
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| Jayster
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1294 Posts
Gratitude: 574
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Posted - 10/16/2011 : 18:53:08
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I have schizoaffective disorder. I had a horible time in my twenties, but life is relatively sweet now.
I had thoughts in my head that did not seem to be my own. My head is easier to live in now.
Jayster |
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| lowlyworm
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2755 Posts
Gratitude: 1844
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Posted - 10/16/2011 : 21:25:23
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Hi Jordan,
I too experience thinking that others can hear my thoughts when I'm not well. I also know what you mean when you say when you're around people you can't help but think horrible things because I too have experienced that. There is a whole thread on thought broadcasating here; http://www.mytherapy.com/discussion/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6097
You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Best of luck. Lowly |
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| loggedin
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3838 Posts
Gratitude: 2548
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Posted - 10/17/2011 : 10:06:47
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Hey Jordan,
i STRONGLY SUGGEST that you print your opening post and bring it to your doctor.
There is A LOT of information that your doctor should have.
If you want to TAKE OUT the end part:
IM NOT SUICIDAL, IM NOT HOMICIDAL. IM JUST FRUSTRATED BROKEN AND NEED A TUNEUP FAST. so please anyone any advice would serve me greatly.. thanks for listening...
If you've never been in the hospital, and especially if you have never attempted suicide, nor been violent toward anyone, i don't think you need to be in a hospital. I'm worried that your doctor might overreact to that part. He shouldn't; but he might.
Schizophrenia is a label. But having schizophrenia is really a combination of symptoms:
1. The schizophrenia will make you believe that other people can read your mind, the broadcasting you mentioned
2. The depression part will make you, or course depressed, and may also include causing anxiety
3. The mania part can cause racing thoughts, or as you said, "most of the time my mind thinks so much i can not control it"
The drugs you are taking:
1. Benedryl is an anti-inflamatory; it's for allergies. It has nothing to do with your mental illness.
2. Haldol is for your schizophrenia. You might need others. One drug for depression, a second for mania, and perhaps a third for anxiety
The drugs we all take are "just" for what you desribe as a "tune up".
They don't take the place of living and learning.
Even with a drug for depression, spending so much time in the house will make you lonely and feeling depressed - it would make anyone
feel depressed
Hyper-vigilance
I don't think you have paranoid schizophrenia. You are not convinced by these thoughts. You are wondering about broadcasting. You feel bad about thinking your loved ones are out to get you, rather than just being scared of them. And you know you need a tune-up - that it is you who needs the tune-up
I think rather that you are hyper-vigilant. You are always worried about what everyone who passes you by is thinking about you and if they can pick up what you might be broadcasting
Perhaps that is what gives you violent thoughts. You must feel very vulnerable
My guess is that when you look at people for a reaction and get it, what they are reacting to is you "broadcasting" with BODY LANGUAGE how uncomfortable you are feeling - just like you are picking up their body language
Also, people with schiophrenia and schizo-affective disorders and the like, often have a way of speaking, a tone of voice that is different. People will react to that, just because it is different.
Keep us informed about how your next meeting with your doctor goes.
And we are here to share our lives, thoughts, and feelings in general - just as you have already done.
Looking forward to speaking with you again.
Leo |
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| koolkid927
Starting Member
4 Posts
Gratitude: 2
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Posted - 10/18/2011 : 04:44:48
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Thank you Leo,
I understand exactly what your talking about, i know that none of the thoughts or feelings that im having are real, but there still with me. i guess its like my brother told me once since i was so little i was put on all diffrent kinds of medicine that did the thinking for me, all the anti physcotics ive been on and ive tryed everyone that is out, and just came out yrs ago. they all seem to do the same thing to me, bad reaction i would call it, i cant remember how i felt when i was'nt on any meds. but i know i sure didnt feel like this. its almost that is this what im stuck on for the rest of my life, these are the cards i was dealt. i might be conerdicting myself when i say this but sometimes on a high dose of haldol i feel much better, at home it just seems like no matter what i do where i go when i have medication in my system. i get so scared of people. i also know that its just anxiety. that everyone has it to all different degrees. some minor some major. mine happens to be major, but this is mylife and i have to except it and keep moving on, it just means that i have to work 110% more than the average person. my fav quote is '' If its worth the price, Then its sure worth the fight..
i will keep you guys & gals updated on when i return from the doctor, thanks for the caring feedback its really helped ALOT.
jtk |
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| loggedin
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3838 Posts
Gratitude: 2548
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Posted - 10/18/2011 : 09:33:43
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to me, it does not sound like a contradiction at all.
i think that after "geting used to" always feeling the same way cuz of what's in your head
and then having the experience of a pill changing your frame of mind,
that it seems incomprehensible that such a little thing like stepping through a doorway would have any change at all, nevermind such a monumental one |
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