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MyTherapy Communities (Discussion Forums)
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ShrinkingViolet
Starting Member
21 Posts
Gratitude: 8
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 Posted - 02/18/2012 : 12:53:55
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I've been feeling pretty good, for the most part lately, but am feeling the need for community, or at least some place where I can actually talk openly (more or less) about myself. I have been on this website in the past, many years ago, and I wasn't well, at all. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder about 26 years ago, although I had been sick since age 27. I am now 56 years old, so I'm hoping that whatever has kept me alive can help others. In the early years I had quite a few suicide attempts, due to inexperience, both mine and the community around me, even the mental health community! When I first was told by my doc that he thought I had schizoaffective disorder (after having been told that I had depression for years) I was shocked! I knew that something terrible was wrong, but to hear the diagnosis for me was shocking-I feel that nothing will ever really shock me again. When I got home from hearing this I looked in the phone book and called the B.C. Schizophrenia Society and was told that people suffering from sz. couldn't join, only family members. Can you imagine the rejection, even the Schizophrenia Society wouldn't accept me, however, I must point out that this was back in the 1980s. Things have changed a lot since then. For me, the diagnosis was as difficult as the symptoms.
Anyway, I would like to have a place where I can share symptoms, because they freak everybody else out (mother, husband, daughter, and I wouldn't even venture to share them with friends/acquaintances). When I'm symptomatic, I just tell people that I'm not well, but don't share details. This is due to my experience. I've learned what sounds crazy, and not to share it with most everybody. Even in the beginning, I knew what sounded crazy, which I gather makes me unusual, as I have this insight even when I'm sick. I have never heard voices, only get paranoid delusions, ideas of reference, metaphorical thinking. When you've learned about your own psychiatric disorder, docs think it's wierd. If it were a physical disorder, say diabetes, and you became an "expert", it would be considered more normal, but for some reason with psychiatric or psychological disorders, you're suspect if you educate yourself.
Just wanted to share what helps me when I get symptomatic - first, let my shrink know and up my meds. a bit with her blessing. When I'm feeling a bit better, I start exercising (walking with my dog), getting out more. Last year I was sick (it was my annus horribilis, as the Queen called hers), and even upping my meds. didn't seem to work. I did everything right, called the Crisis Line, went to the Emergency Dept. and was admitted. After I got out, I planned a family get-together for my father (who was dying), and was kept busy preparing for this. This seemed to help get me back on track. I must admit that I had a couple of beers during this time (don't usually drink anymore, although I used to self-medicate with alcohol). I don't recommend this, I ended up with a fatty liver from drinking, which has since resolved. What has helped me tremendously is having to help out my mum since my dad died. We go to yoga twice a week, I did it for her, but I'm benefitting tremendously. When I come out after a yoga class, I feel SO great! But I do find myself avoiding the people in the classes, feeling a bit paranoid at times, which disappoints me, 'cause I'm trying to do everything right. Exercise is better than Prozac, if you ask me, though! As far as depression goes, it's the best thing going, for me.
So that's where I'm at now, getting out to yoga twice a week, feeling pretty good emotionally, teensy bit paranoid, taking my meds. as prescribed.
Thanks for listening!
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| chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3695 Posts
Gratitude: 2468
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Posted - 02/18/2012 : 13:13:47
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| Hello shrinkingviolet. Welcome to MT!! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I look forward to reading more of your posts. |
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| hercules21
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4815 Posts
Gratitude: 2696
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Posted - 02/19/2012 : 21:41:32
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hi Shrinking Violet,
Thanks for sharing your story.
We have a social section of this site that you are welcome to join in at. You will have to be brave and jump in - we won't bite.
You may also like to start a blog in our sz blog section.
What I first did when I joined the site was to go through the entire sz section and answer a lot of old posts with my story and i found that very therapeutic.
You can also pitch in and help other members with advice when they get sick.
AS far as specific questions for you
What meds are you on?
do you have paranoid sz - that is what I have been dxed with.
Welcome to the site again.
"Mrs Morel always said the after-life would hold nothing in store for her husband: he rose from the lower world into purgatory, when he came home from pit, and passed into heaven in the Palmerston Arms.". |
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| Juniper 5
Super Member (250+ posts)
875 Posts
Gratitude: 448
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Posted - 02/19/2012 : 21:50:13
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Hi shrinking violet. Welcome.
I can relate to some of what you say. I too have an unusual amount of insight into my illness which is a good thing for me but sometimes people are taken aback. |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
47480 Posts
Gratitude: 21246
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Posted - 02/21/2012 : 11:52:35
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Dear Shrinking Violet
May I also welcome you aboard the god ship Hope...
and trust you get what you are seeking for here in emotional support and friendship from those of a similar disposition.
I came along for six months and I am now in my seventh year... for there's no other place I'd rather be, to share my experiences strengths and hopes and likewise from other members of these caring sharing communities.. yours too now that you have joined us here, David
Friendship is the greatest gift all...
methinks! |
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| ShrinkingViolet
Starting Member
21 Posts
Gratitude: 8
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Posted - 02/22/2012 : 15:34:16
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Heya, Juniper, Hercules & David,
Thanks for welcoming me! Yes, I think I have paranoid sz, although I took Dr. Long's diagnostic questionnaire and it said just paychotic disorder, or something, but what bothers me the most are the paranoid ideas, ideas of reference, and "metaphorical" thinking. For example, the admissions nurse yesterday wore all black - this was not a good colour, as far as I was concerned! Not when I thought I might die from surgery. There were a couple of other things that scared me, as well. So I ended up cancelling the surgery, as I've pointed out before in other posts.
Went to yoga yesterday and talked to a few people as we were waiting. I feel a bit paranoid when someone new shows up in the class half way through the sessions - just a bit. After the yoga, which I'm new at, I feel SO much more energetic and almost expansive when we come out on a sunny day after an hour of stretching and strengthening our muscles. One day I came out after yoga and felt so happy that I thought "Am I getting manic?" bit didn't have any of the other symptoms of mania (was sleeping with the help of meds., eating just right, but feeling up, up, UP). I heartily recommend any kind of exercise, but especially yoga! Especially for us "old" folks.
I can't seem to change the font or colour of my typing- am I doing something wrong? I would like to change my password, but can't find the key to do this.
Last year I was very sick, and my pdoc at the time wanted to commit me - this was a first time for me (in 27 years) that someone had said this. So I stopped seeing that doc, and went to the hospital, where I was told by their pdoc, after she interviewed me for about 20 minutes, that I was not psychotic and that I should continue taking the 100 mg. Seroquel that they started giving me there, and slowly stop taking my Stelazine! Imagine my surprise, but hope springs eternal, so I slowly stopped and the inevitable happened - I got sicker! And the new pdoc I got (who was right out of psychiatry residency) told me I didn't seem schizophrenic (she spoke to the hospital pdoc before she saw me). I was glad not to SEEM schizophrenic, but felt very unsure about their opinions. After all, who would take Stelazine if they didn't need it, knowing the potential side effects of tardive dyskinesia (TD) and neuroleptic malignant syndrome, not to mention agranulocytosis. And I took 4 mg. Stelazine (half my normal dose) while I was pregnanat 24 years ago - who would risk their baby needlessly? Also, my pdoc wrote everything down that I said and sent it to my GP - not very good as far as privacy goes! There are lots of things I wouldn't want my GP to know! My ex-pdoc used to write things in shorthand so that nobody else could read it, which I thought was very good, and for a long time I trusted him implicitly. He saw me for 18 years, and knows the truth, exactly what I think. Miss him a lot.
Thanks again for the welcome! It's nice to have a place where there are others like me! Has anybody else been told they don't have sz, when they know they do?
Violet (Dereki) |
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| hercules21
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4815 Posts
Gratitude: 2696
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Posted - 02/23/2012 : 23:02:54
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We have a member Rattly who has bipolar. But she has been told she is fine and to make do without medication. She seems to be coping with life but that is the other person who got told something similar to you.
"Mrs Morel always said the after-life would hold nothing in store for her husband: he rose from the lower world into purgatory, when he came home from pit, and passed into heaven in the Palmerston Arms.". |
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| ShrinkingViolet
Starting Member
21 Posts
Gratitude: 8
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Posted - 02/24/2012 : 07:11:58
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Hi Hercules! Yes, I believe that I have paranoid sz., even though I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder for many years. When I did this diagnostic questionnaire (on this site) last year just after I had been hospitalized, it said I had paranoid sz. Now I'm not quite so sick, and it says something else, can't remember what.
Hercules, how do you deal with things when you get symptomatic? How do you trust your pdoc, or any doc for that matter?
Just wondering.
Violet |
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| fleurette
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1925 Posts
Gratitude: 583
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Posted - 02/25/2012 : 14:49:49
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Yes, shrinkingviolet, I've been diagnosed with brief reactive psychosis before my current diagnosis. I think the correct diagnosis makes a big difference because that's how you get your treatment depending on what you are diagnosed with. And, it helps to know what you are dealing with but with this illness it takes on so many different ways of manifesting in our lives.
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| CindyGLC
Starting Member
24 Posts
Gratitude: 19
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Posted - 07/12/2012 : 06:55:28
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Hi Shrinking Violet. First of all, I'd like to welcome you to our community. I'm kinda an old timer as well as I'll be 40 years old in a couple of months.
I really feel for what you're going through - so many of us have gone through what you described also. I just want you to know that the people here are so nice and non-judgemental. This is a great place to meet new friends. Best, Cindy |
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Hi! I'm ShrinkingViolet.
